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A man can stand a lot as long as he can stand himself - Axel Munthe

The tragic death of one of my closest friends, little more than a year ago, helped me understand one of life’s precious secrets. Through Sam Mitchell, I realised that self-worth and confidence lighten any situation, yet without them life becomes little more than a burden. Axel Munthe said it best when he noted that “a man can stand a lot as long as he can stand himself.”

Throughout our school days, Sam was one of my heroes. I had never before met any person with as much optimism, hope and willingness to live, despite encountering hardship after hardship. Each time, Sam would pick himself up, proclaim “C’est la vie” and continue on his way. In the few years that I had known him, he had fought cancer, been victim to robbery and a near-fatal car crash, been devastated by the collapse of the family business, lost his mother to illness, and fell constantly to torrents of abuse by the school bullies. Amazingly, Sam always seemed to cope, and continued on his life quest, determined to prevent any hardship from eating at his soul.

I spent many hours wishing I could be more like Sam Mitchell. I tried to find fault in his resolve, to find some hint that it was all a façade. To no avail. My friend seemed so confident, so at peace with himself, that he would not allow anything to stand in his way. We began to call him “Teflon”, because as much as life bombarded him with challenges, nothing would stick. He dreamed of becoming a successful architect, and leave a lasting mark on our landscape. And I was sure he would.

During his years at university however, Sam finally found the one challenge he could not defeat. In a very short period of time, the young architecture undergraduate experienced a series of romantic failures, each seemingly more destructive to his psyche that the last. Gradually he allowed his self-confidence, and optimism to be consumed by depression and grief. He could not understand his failure and began to feel worthless, unappreciated. In this state, utterly disappointed in himself, Sam could not handle the final challenge life offered him. Struggling at university, he received a letter of expulsion at the end of his second year. A month later he took his life.

Needless to say, the events of the past year had a devastating impact on all who had grown close to him over the years. The tragedy however made me realise that so long as one held himself to high regard, and felt confident in his ability, there was little that could harm him. While Sam felt content and at peace with himself, no dilemma could pull him down. It was only once that reflection in the mirror began to seem inadequate and lacking worth, that he became vulnerable.

Axel Munthe’s words are a wise lesson indeed. I only wish I could have learnt them in another way.